Barely Breathing
by sariannaluvsjake2
Summary: Jake Jagielski is falling apart, barely brathing, with a broken heart, that's not healing.


_**Authors Note: **_

_**This is my first Jeyton in a LONG time. I am sooo sorry. But here it is, it's really angsty, so warning, not a happy ending! **_

_**Disclaimer: I own this story, that's it. **_

He had fell apart, barely breathing. He felt no need to open his eyes to the glistening sunlight because it just made his heart ache more at the way her hair used to shine in it. He didn't want to get out of bed, because everyday he knew that she wouldn't be beside him. He was left with a broken heart that was barely beating. He had become lazy, leaving dishes in the sink, not bothering to comb his messy brown hair, not making the beds. All he ever did was take his daughter to and from school. That was it. He loved his daughter, with all his heart, but being with her didn't make his broken heart heal.

He was still holding on, barely holding onto someday. Praying that one say she would catch his eye and run back into his arms and stay forever. But he knew he would never see her again, and it killed him. He squinted to see the traffic lights and sighed, falsely smiling at his beautiful six year old daughter in the back seat. He turned down his paved road and sighed, biting his bottom lip, when he saw it. Her comet, drive by. Her blonde hair flowing in the wind, her smile leaving him breathless.

He slammed on the brakes and the car stopped with a loud screech. His daughter shrieked and he looked behind them. So sign of a car. No woman. No nothing. He was delusional, losing his mind as he had been for almost five years now. Only now it was always getting worse. Jenny arched her eyebrows and Jake shrugged, and put his foot on the gas pedal once again. He closed his eyes tightly for a second, groaning when he opened them, seeing her face in one of the many flashbacks that he always had in the back of his mind. He pulled over to the side of the road and rubbed his temples, his daughter questiioning his actions. "Daddy's fine, Jenny. He's just a little sick." He heard her voice say. Her voice...he looked in the passenger seat. There she was. Blonde hair, green eyes and all. He blinked rapidly and she was still there. "Damn it Peyton leave me alone!" He shouted, as he shut his eyes tightly, and in a second, she was gone. In thin air.

Jenny questioned her father. "Daddy who are you talking to?" She asked, and Jake turned around. "Peyton. You didn't see her?" Jenny shook her head. "Where was she?" She asked, and Jake looked in the empty passenger seat. "She was right....here." He pointed and Jenny shrugged. "Daddy, no one was here. It was you and me when you started yelling." Jake shook his head. "No I saw...." He said, then shook his head once more. Jenny smirked. "Daddy, are you okay?" She asked, and Jake shut his eyes tightly. "I don't know baby girl." He answered, starting up his car once again.

They arrived at his house and he parked the car in the driveway, crunching the fall leaves on the ground. Jenny unbuckled her seatbelt and looked at her father, waiting to get out. Jake smiled at her. "Go inside baby, I'll be inside in a minute." Jenny nodded, walking out, cuddling her pink teddy bear as she opened the wooden door. Jake sighed and pounded on his steering wheel, tears rolling down his face. He was tired of holding on. "Let her go!" He shouted loudly at his steering wheel, tears now freely roaming down his face, sniffiling loudly.

"Jake..." There is was, her voice. "Peyton what do you want!?" He shouted, looking up at her. There she was again, in the passenger seat. Her tousled blonde hair, deep sea green eyes, green tank top and skinny jeans. "Jake, it's not your fault." She said, and Jake looked away. "But it is!" He shouted and she took his hand. "It wasn't your fault. It was no one's fault. It was an accident. I don't blame you." Jake looked up. "I love you." She said, clasping his hand tightly. "And I'm sorry for doing this to you. But you have to move on." Jake shut his eyes tightly. "I know I do. But Peyton damn it stop doing this!" Peyton arched her eyebrows. "Stop seeing you?" She asked, and Jake shook his head. "No, just....I love you, okay I do. But people are going to start thinking I'm crazy." Peyton smiled. "I never thought you were crazy." Jake groaned. "Peyton, I killed you!" He shouted angrily, and she shook her head. "No, Jake, I killed myself. It wasn't your fault." Jake shook his head and wiped away his tears. "But Peyton, you're dead..." He said, and she shrugged and smirked. "Physically, yes. Mentally, apparently not." She smiled.

"Peyton it was my fault. The sucide note was meant for me to read, and your heart was broken and it was all because of me!" He shouted, and she shook her head. "Hey, Jake, it's okay. I'm okay now. And you will be too. I promise." She smiled. "But it's time for me to go." He nodded. "Please, Peyton, just please don't ever make me feel without you again." Peyton smiled and kissed his cheek. "I'm always here. You know that." He nodded. "Here..." She said, pulling a crumped peice of paper out of her pocket. "It's my sucide note." He frowned. "I love you, Jake. Just, start loving yourself." He nodded. "I love you too Peyton...But please don't give me this." He answered, trying to hand it back, and she pushed it away and she nodded.

And like that, she was gone.

He blinked again and again, but she was gone. He opened the letter and read it to himself.

**Dear Jake, **

**Their is nothing that can cure my broken heart accept for you. I'm falling apart, barely breathing. I feel so much pain for you. I know you said we could be together someday but I can never find you. And as soon as I think i do, you dissapear again. I can't sleep at night because all I think about is you. I love you and that little girl Jenny so much. I have such a broken heart. And I guess, my whole life has been building up to this. But this is not your fault. It's mine. I should have never let you go. **

**But it's too late. **

**I'll see you again, someday, Jake Jagielski, and someday, we'll be together again. **

**And whenever you need me, I'll be there. I promise. I'm always there, holding your hand. **

**Always. **

**Love, **

**Peyton...**

The blood splatter at the corner of the letter from the gunshot blast was too much for him to bear. He shut his eyes and gasped in the pain. He bit his lip so hard it bled, and he groaned as he stepped out into teh cold autumn air. He stepped inside and hung up his coat, taking off his boots on the cold tile floor. But he couldn't feel the coldness, he was too numb and weary. He knew Nikki would be here to pick up Jenny any minute for her visitation. He sat down on the couch and hung his head in his hands, when he felt someone rub his back. "Peyton please..." He said, looking up to see those green eyes again. "Peyton why do you keep doing this to me?!" He asked her, and she just smiled and kissed his cheek. "Peyton! Answer me!" He yelled, and Jenny came running.

"Daddy did you call me?" She asked, and Jake shook his head. "No, I was calling...." He stopped. "Daddy, that girl isn't here. It's just me and you. Maybe you should go see a doctor." Jenny said matter-of-factly. And Jake smiled. "Maybe I should..." He whispered, knowing seeing dead people isnt the healthiest thing in the world. The door knocked, and it was Nikki, here to pick up Jenny. Jake helped Jenny put on her coat and boots, smiling breifly at his ex before she ushered her daugher into the car, leaving a very vulnerable Jake home alone.

"Alone?" She asked, and Jake groaned. "Peyton!!" He shouted, "I know, that you like to see me but....I mean, I can't see you! I don't want to see you! You're supposed to be dead and gone! And even though I wish everyday that you weren't, I just, It's too painful!" He shouted, turning around so he couldn't face her. "Jake...It's gonna be okay." She said, and he groaned. "No I'm not going to be I..." He groaned loudly as he stubbed his toe on his desk drawer, knocking something out. His old pistol. He picked it up and studied it, noticing Peyton's face grow worried. "Jake..." She said, but he ignored her.

He forcefully ripped out a peice of paper from the printer and grabbed a pen, and started writing.

**Dear Peyton, **

**You caused me so much pain. As much as I love you, my anger is too much. You left me, and then you wanted me back. Then, you comitted sucide before i got you back! Well, let me tell you, I wanted you back so badly! And when I heard you killed yourself I was devestated, heartbroken, I didn't get out of bed for almost two weeks! You killed me inside before you did anything else. Why? Peyton why? **

**Why? I will always love you! Why did you do that?! I told you someday! Someday didn't mean in heaven! WHY!? **

He threw his pen on the floor and raised his pistol to his temple, covered with his brown hair. "Jake..." He heard her whisper. "Why?" He asked for the final time, as he pulled the trigger.

Peyton smiled sadly as she watched him fall to the floor.

"It's gonna be okay."

_**Authors Note: **_

_**Did you get it? **_

_**R&R please!**_

_**Sariana**_

_**xoxoxo**_

_**Love me or hate me**_


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